When Things Go Terribly Wrong in the World of Crime by Christopher G. Moore
The laws of unintended consequences and collateral damage apply to criminals just like they do anyone else. I’d like to give some examples of ‘crimes’ that might have the judge and jury shedding tears—ones of laughter.
A driver went to the trouble to find a replica of testicles. He displayed them in the back of his truck. The sheriff’s deputy stopped him and gave him a ticket. The motorist is back in the news. He’s got a second ticket for the same ‘crime’. One more time and that is three strikes and he’s out. A life sentence in a South Carolina prison where a set of replica testicles might not work out all that well for him.
A drunk driver had his truck pulled over early on a Thursday morning by the police. He’d been clocked doing 70 mph around midnight. His companion who was riding shotgun was a ‘small monkey’. The police seized the truck and monkey and arrested the driver who’d had a history of DUI arrests. No word on how much the monkey had drunk.
A 17-year-old biker made a point of giving the finger to one of those CCTV cameras that monitor the traffic. Not once but 26 times. He cleverly covered his face and removed his license plate. The police laid a trap for him at the end of a tunnel and the biker confessed to crime of displaying his middle finger at the CCTV camera.
It wouldn’t be a good German crime story with out further evidence that comes from a strong scientific background and understanding of procedures, permits and technology. It turns out the biker had the wrong license for the bike he was caught in carrying out his crime. No middle finger usage endorsed on the license. And the police technical expert said the 125cc bike was ‘illegal’ based on his assessment, allowing the police to confiscate it. The biker was fined, points deducted and banned for 26 months from driving. One month for every time he flipped the bird.
A fifty-year-old policeman was arrested after he approached a 25-year-old woman in a restaurant. He crept up on her and began to lick her hair. The cop was attached a forensic unit and had been on a medical leave. The authorities were certain when the cop would return to work, or what crime, if any, to charge the hair licking forensic cop.
One difficulty of being an identical twin is if your criminally inclined brother commits a criminal act, flees the scene and leaves you to take the heat as the witnesses identify you as the bad guy. Back in November 2010, Anek Ounwong had a fight with a group of teenagers and he used a grass cutter in what sounds like a bonsai attack on them. Anek, as often happens in these circumstances, didn’t stick around and headed for the hills. Last week he went home to find that his brother had received a four-year prison term of the grass cutter attack. The brother had tried to explain to the police that it wasn’t him. The police refused to buy his “I am a twin and my evil brother did it” story as did the trial and appellate courts. Now Anek is back in town, he’s gone to the police and confessed he was the attacker.
What was the reaction of the police? “It’s out of our hands. We can do nothing.” But the police suggested a course of action. Anek might want to petition the prosecutor’s office or the courts and explain to them what had happened.
As cases are known to move through the Thai criminal justice at a vast speed, it takes about four years before there is a final outcome—just the right amount of time for the innocent brother to get out of prison. Then the prosecutor can launch a new criminal case against the twin who committed the crime. I doubt Anek will be able to claim credit for the time served by his brother. Though he might try. No doubt the authorities will adjust criminal statistics on assaults with a glass cutter which might well half the number of cases for 2010.
What these and many similar cases show is the role of bad luck, bad companions, bad brother, and hair licking police in the day-to-day criminal cases that happen right around the world.
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Christopher G. Moore’s latest book is Faking It in Bangkok.
May 11th, 2012 at 9:27 am
In my California hometown – a beach community of 60,000 people, a 38 year old female shop keeper I knew by site was on her way to a hair appointment around lunch time last week. She was walking downtown,1/2 mile from my home when she was randomly stabbed and murdered in broad daylight by a transient – we have a lot of them, they like the beach too. The criminal was caught less than a block away. Things go terribly wrong and bad luck happens to good people as well as bad. Much easier to read about in fiction than our daily newspaper. I don’t know if murder ever makes sense but this one seems to define senseless in our once peaceful town. Tim Hallinan’s Blog is sadly accurate, Murder is Everywhere.
May 11th, 2012 at 11:05 am
When a crime of extreme violence hits close to our home base we start to raise questions about randomness, bad luck or karma, and the senselessness of the act. It is difficult to take much comfort in Stephen Pinker’s The History of Violence that we are much safer than our ancestors who faced a much higher risk of being murdered.
May 11th, 2012 at 1:13 pm
I remember and agree with what you wrote about Pinker. Rick Hanson, author of Buddha’s Brain speaks about the two types of mistakes one can make in the evolutionary path. One can think there is a tiger in the bushes when there is none or one can think there is no tiger when there is one. Better to make the first mistake 1,000 times than the latter one 1 time in order to survive. Today’s tiger’s walk the same sidewalks as us and carry knives and guns. Beware.